dont leave me, please.

sad, my previous post disappeared.

anyway, i was saying. i told A about this blog. i only told him i have it but i didnt tell him what is it about and where is it.

i reckon that he would never speak to me ever again after reading this. im afraid of losing my family and friends. all of them mean alot to me. i myself, would be too ashamed to face them. i feel so dirty.

someone told me to open up to the world and tell them im gay. the thing is, i'm not gay. at least i think im not. i like girls, i want to marry them. i want to have kids and i want to start a family. boys, i really donno what to feel about them. none of those whom i had sex with had i ever loved or even liked. i seriously have no idea why i did it. i would never have done it if i knew the consequences.

im scared. really scared. my life is alrd so screwed up when im only 18. i suck.